I think you got a good thing going here. But you seem to have lost the matter-of-fact tone after you start talking about the narrator's experience with drugs, but pick it up again after you start talking about meeting the receptionist. Just try to keep your sentences as short and choppy as possible. A few expamples of sentences to change:
: Topsy has two adverse reaction first it reverses the effect of any drug you've taken in the
: Past 23 hours 57 minutes.
Besides the fact that it is cut in the wrong place, cut it off after "reaction"
:Had it decided upon it's arrival at the fifty-seventh minute of the twenty-third hour , that
: It had had enough of it's own bullshit ?
Get rid of that. To keep with that matter-of-fact style, get rid of rhetorical questions and personal insights. just leave it as "I often wondered why the drug stopped there."
: Banking is a long dead-trade in my time , with the legalization of drugs every pays
: cash now.
Make that 2 sentences. The first being "Banking is a long dead trade", and the second being "Now that drugs are legal, everyone pays cash now". Which, in retrospect, doesn't make much sense, since if drugs are legal, they should be able to accept credit cards and checks.
GodOfTheGodless
Interesting style and set up, really cool premise too! A little rushed through though, you didn't spend enough time on really describing and capsulizing the place and time, but considering this is only a rough draft, I won't be so harsh. Keep this up, I am quite interested!